Issue 65 – Better A Dead Lantern, Than a Red Lantern

Red Lanterns get way cooler when it's a cat that vomits blood in the 00s.
“If all superheroes are equal, how are some Superer than others?”

Oops, We Talked Politics this week, everybody. We cover one arc of Steve Englehart’s Green Lantern, Red Lantern. An alien Green Lantern defects to Russia at the height of the Cold War and meets Gorbachev. It goes about how you would expect. Oh, also a 12 year old girl uses a ring to turn into an adult and make out with Hal Jordan. Yikes.

In this episode, Ryan’s dreams finally come true and he gets to talk about Green Lantern lore FOREVER. We talk a lot about Guy Gardner, the greatest Green Lantern ever. Somehow, Phil follows suit and falls in love with Guy, too. Darryl’s love for Salaak (and Ch’P) make their first appearance. Sly’s just a simple, gorilla man commie. If you’re interested in some of the old stuff we talk about, some old episodes we reference: Steve Englehart’s Doctor Strange getting cucked by Ben Franklin and the last time Green Lantern got political, John Stewart’s first appearance.

Comics Covered: Green Lantern 207-210

Theme song: The Ballad Of Red And Green By Eric Manwiller

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Issue 64 – Yu-Gi-Oh: It’s Time to D-D-D-Die!

Yu-Gi-Oh's all kinda messed up, y'all.
“Do You Wanna Play A Game?”

We stay in the world of manga to talk about Yu-Gi-Oh! Everyone’s favorite card game! Too bad the manga has nothing to do with the card game and just has a kid ironically murdering people!

In this episode, Sly reveals the moral code for Sly’s America. Ryan starts his career writing gag manga. Phil tricks us into shutting up for a few minutes. And Darryl has to choose which of us to marry. All this and more!

Comics Covered: Yu-Gi-Oh Chapters 1-7

Theme song: The Yu-Gi-Oh Theme

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Issue 63 – My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness – The Title Says It All

Lesbians, ya know?
“My Private Report On Too Real Relatability”

We’re pretty sick of doing dumb and bad books, so we let Darryl pick one. He picked an autobiographical manga that really resonated with all of us, and hopefully you, too. A young woman’s journey through her crippling depression and anxiety as she comes to terms with herself and her sexuality as a lesbian. Not a lot of goofs here, y’all.

On this episode, we get another insight into the kinds of books Darryl would do if he controlled the podcast (hint: good ones). Ryan hides behind jokes (what else is new). Phil finally finds out if sex work is legal in Japan. Sly finds a secret boy hole that none of us knew about.

Just a heads up, we talk extensively about sex, prostitution, depression, anxiety, self harm, and suicide in this episode.

Comics Covered: My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness

Recommendation: Jeffrey Brown’s Graphic Novels

Theme song: Turn Me On

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Issue 62 – Black Panther vs the KKK: Gaze into Oblivion, Elderly Feline Owners

Black Panther
Not to be confused with “The Klan.”

With the Black Panther movie smashing the box office, we decided to read some comics about Black Panther smashing systemic oppression. It might only be in our dreams but it’s important to us, damn it.

We briefly talk about the long history of Black Panther in comic books and read a story about him facing off the Ku Klux Klan. No, it’s not some pseudo-KKK knockoffs, it’s the actual KKK. Well it is some pseudo-KKK knockoffs at first but he fights the real ones later. In this episode, Ryan finds his spirit animal in comic books. Phil is butthurt people think he and Darryl are the same person but is it really Darryl and Sly that are of one mind in this episode? Tune in to find out!

Comics Covered: Jungle Action #19-22, Collected in Panther’s Rage

Recommendation: Panther’s Quest

Theme song: BET Black Panther theme

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Annual 2 Part 2: The Ultimates 1 Vol 2 – The A On My Head Stands For ***Hole

Why is Mark Millar like this?
“Surrender? SURRENDER?

Here we are again. Back to Ultimates. Guess what? The second half is way worse!

Make sure you listen to our last episode, where we covered the first half of Ultimates, before this one!

Ryan admits he was wrong and there’s no deconstruction or satire, just toxic masculinity. For real this time. Darryl is just blown away by just how Millar has poisoned us all. Phil compares him to Shakespeare. Sly just wants to put Ryan on blast for how dumb he is, but Ryan’s just lying down and taking it. We’ve been doing this for two years and we’re just broken. Happy anniversary, y’all.

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Annual 2: Ultimates 1 Vol 1 – Mark Millar’s Genius is Revealed

Ultimates
Don’t we all, Hulk. Don’t we all.

The Ultimates was Marvel’s first attempt to modernize the Avengers and it became the source material for the film. Did we finally find a Millar book where the comic was better than the movie? Well no, but at least it’s not hot garbage.

The gang time travels from 2099 to the Bush Years to see Millar back when he still put some effort into his comics. Ryan gives his reasons for why this book is good and prays it doesn’t disprove his arguments in the meantime. Phil is not sure if it’s really satire or just Millar being Millar. Darryl is not fooled by the obvious supervillain that is Millar and is desperate to out him. Sly on the other hand is just trying to find the trademark Millar cuckoldry.

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Issue 61 – Doom 2099 – Dr. Doom Literally Wins the Internet

All hope lies in Doom
This the future liberals want. So badly. Please.

We’re back in the future! We stuck around the alternate 90s Marvel universe after last episode’s Punisher 2099. Is it still a bizarre cyberpunk, anarcho-capitalist wasteland? Yes. Is it still a lawless wasteland? Yes. Is it still totally awesome? Hell yeah. Everyone wears super cool shades and surfs through the internet. But this time, Dr. Doom is our hero, and what a hero he is.

We covered the first 10 issues of Doom 2099.

We all loved this book, but we’re split on which parts we loved! Whatever happened to this writer? Is he dead or was he just a visitor from another time? Darryl’s the necessary evil that we all go to for help. Ryan’s just become Sly’s mini-sidekick, echoing all his opinions. Sly really needs Cyclops’ goggles of his own. Phil maps out his plan for the first sentient AI.

Theme song: Cyberspace Safety Rap by students of the William E. Doar School for the Performing Arts

Make sure you listen to Ryan’s Judging Book Covers episode – Last Week and Next Week!

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Issue 60: Punisher 2099 – Future Capitalism Run Amok

Punisher2099 - Sly's ideal future
“Like my hardware? Well you’re DEADWARE”

Happy new year! We look to the future, 2099, and see what Marvel thought it would look like. Pretty frickin’ awesome, if you ask me. A world of complete privatization and one liners. What more could you want? The Punisher killing everyone? Because he’s here, too.

Punisher 2099 by Pat Mills, Tony Skinner, and Tom Morgan

This book is… something. It’s a world with Street Surgeons who steal your organs if you don’t pay your police subscription. It’s got anti-gravity carnivals. Death Support Systems. Molecular Disintegration. And some LIBERAL PSYCHOBABBLE. Ryan is entering into 2018 full on fascist edgelord. Sly’s won him over, can he convince Phil to join them on the dark side (almost definitely). Darryl’s still holding strong on the side of compassion and societal analysis. FOR NOW.

Theme song: Punisher Theme as performed by BOBER369

Make sure you listen to Ryan’s Wonder Woman Episode of Falling In Love Montage!

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Back Issues 2 – Wanted: The Edgiest Edgelord Book Returns

Hey y’all, it’s Christmas week so I’ll keep it short. We made Phil and Darryl revisit Wanted, a book we covered before they were on the show. The book’s terrible, but listen to our old episode here first to get a plot rundown. Or if you’re using a podcast app, it was episode 12.

We also cover our favorites and least favorite books of the year! See you in 2018! And make sure you tell Mark Millar to come fight us!

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Issue 59: Lobo vs Gay Batman & Friends in an Edgelord Christmas Event

And Happy Holidays, Ya Bastiches
Merry Christmas, Ya Filthy Edgelords

It’s Christmas! Let’s get EDGY. Last year we covered that time extreme edgelord Lobo killed Santa Claus. And earlier in the year, we covered fascist Authority-member Batman-But-Gay Midnighter. What would happen if these titans of profanity and gore clashed? Spoilers: They do in this episode.

First, we give a little intro to the Authority, Midnighter’s Team

Then, the ultimate showdown between Lobo and The Authority

Here we are. We made it. Can you believe it’s already Christmas time? What a great holiday to close out an objectively great year. Everyone’s having a wonderful time. Especially Sly, who hates Christmas as much as he loves Korn. Darryl finally gets why complex continuity and inaccessible callbacks are what make comics amazing. Phil’s still desperately trying to quit the podcast. And here’s a secret: Ryan actually went out and bought a bunch of Authority books right after we recorded as an early present to himself.

This episode’s real not safe for work, y’all. Even more than usual.

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